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Threesomes, as easy as A-B-C

Header image courtesy of Irena Efremova

So, you want to have a threesome? Great! Here are three simple strategies I’ve learned that can help you navigate threesomes in a safe and fun way.

Awareness

I often tell others that the best sex starts with self-awareness. Greater awareness gives you a better chance of having a great experience.  Here are some things you should probably think about before trying a threesome.

 Take some time to think about the relationship dynamics and emotional expectations. Are the participants friends? Lovers? Strangers who just met? Would sex change your relationship?  Could jealousy become an issue?  If so, what are things you and the others can do to help with those feelings? Being emotionally aware can help you communicate expectations (or concerns) to the other participants and help everybody have a fun, sexy experience.  

What about the sex part?  What turns you on about threesomes?  Is it hot to think of your partner having sex with someone else?…to be the center of attention?…to explore different types of bodies?  Knowing what turns you on can help you talk with everyone else and figure out if it’s going to be a good fit, even before the clothes come off. It also really helps if you know what your body likes (and doesn’t) including favorite sex toys, allergies and sensitivities, or types of touch that you love. Bring that awareness into your threesome, too!

Remember, it’s ok for these wants and needs to change, even in the middle of your sexy time.  Keep sharing it with the other participants and include them in your experience!  

Art by Lauren Campbell

Boundaries

Sometimes setting boundaries can feel like you’re holding the others back, especially when there’s more than one person involved. Trust yourself, and your play partners, that setting boundaries won’t ruin the experience. Let the others know what your safer sex practices are or if some dynamics are triggering. Talk about boundaries around emotional intimacy as well as physical acts. Remember, everybody wants the experience to be enjoyable and you articulating your boundaries may inspire others to do the same.  Having good boundaries means less negative feelings…and that feels good for everyone involved!

Boundaries don’t have to be framed in the negative!  They can look like “I only want to watch you two” or “let’s all just make out.” Threesomes can be done in many, many ways and figuring out what that looks like in the moment is a part of having good boundaries.

Communication

 This should be an easy part, but so many people forget to communicate with each other, either because they’re caught up in the thrill of what’s about to happen or because brains can get fuzzy in the heat of the moment.  Talk to each other!  With words!  Talk to each other before, during, AND after your threesome.  See which sexy fantasies (awareness!) match up and which don’t (boundaries!). Talk about emotional health and safe sex practices. Be an advocate for yourself …and ask the other participants what they need.  Even though threesomes are fluid in fantasy and on screen, people aren’t mind-readers. Communication can not only be a way to avoid pitfalls, but can help bring you all together and make your threesome even hotter!  

My final advice?  Have fun. Play! Threesomes don’t have to look any one way, so take time to explore and experiment with each other.  Need some inspiration? Check out the amazing threesome between Lina Bembe, Parker Marx, and Sadie Lune and watch how they use their ABCs to make their threesome great!

Photo by Natália Zajačiková