Taking Pleasure Into Your Own Hands

The experience of pleasure is a complicated one, but why is that? What has led us to this point where the act of experiencing pleasure is a difficult one? Sex School Hub was built around the idea of uncomplicating this experience all the while finding community in pleasure and sex. This article is no different, not only do we want to give you “permission” to explore but also offer some tips. 

What is Pleasure?

This is an experience that is evolving throughout our lives and something that is specific to each person. There is no clear answer, but there is a clear path to the exploration of pleasure. That path begins in our mind, breaking down those mental blocks that have been put in place to stop you from exploring pleasure. Those blocks could be guilt, trauma, fear, and nervousness; to name a few. Getting past those barriers takes time and communication with yourself. Start by giving yourself permission to think about sex; your desires, fantasizes and boundaries for yourself. When you run into an overpowering emotion that seems to halt that process, take a few deep breaths, and begin to explore the source of that emotion. 

Think back to your childhood, do you recall your relationship with yourself? What about with your sexuality? Your pleasure? Did something happen that put that barrier in place? Maybe someone made you feel ashamed or maybe you felt undesirable because of a bully. What is the root? Once you have found it, I want you to take 3 deep breaths and comfort yourself. That can look like words of affirmation, recognition or even speaking to yourself aloud. Heal your inner child. It may seem like a silly gesture, but healing the wounds of our early life can have great impact on our present life. 

Of course, healing is not a one-time thing. This is a process meant to be repeated while you make process on that path to pleasure. Be gentle with yourself, as well as consistent. 

Getting Physical

Mental state is a huge portion of pleasure, but so is the physical. Rediscovering and relearning touch is a great step toward building a pleasurable future. Many people say the brain is the largest sexual organ, but truly it is the skin. Your body is a canvas for pleasure and exploration, reclaiming your body is a journey. If you find you are searching for further resources on this journey explore ReDiscovering Touch, an article all about reclaiming and relearning the touch. 

Before jumping into touch build yourself a sanctuary of pleasure, one that allows you to channel your other senses and explore without judgement. Begin in a neutral space with little stimulation, then set your seen. Add scents or textures or even soft music. Create a palace for yourself and supply it with everything you may need or want. 

  • Sex Toys
  • Candles or Flowers
  • Textured fabric (latex gloves, fuzzy blankets, satin sheets)
  • Clothes – socks raise your body temperature, which can improve the likelihood of having an orgasm. 
  • Mirror – A mirror is great for getting to know your body and finding confidence in your pleasure

What is most important is that you acknowledge that pleasure is a need. Learning to recognize that pleasure has a permanent place in our lives and that it starts with ourselves is a huge step towards experiencing pleasure more often and in different ways. Though pleasure is often associated with sex, you can let this path lead you to better places in your relationships with other parts of your life. Give yourself permission to explore the power of pleasure. If you want to build upon this foundation with a partner check out: The key to unlocking pleasure, Pleasure Mapping made simple. Kemoy breaks down the pleasure mapping with a partner; the good, the challenging and the pleasurable. Sex School also has 2 videos all about pleasure mapping from both participants, Lina Bembe and Bishop Blacks perspectives. 


Amber Mallery