Foto: Natália Zajačiková

Getting the Most Out of Your Hook Ups

hook-uhp (defn.)

  1. noun: a form or relationship based primarily on sexual interactions.
  2. verb: to interact with someone for the purpose of casual sex. 

Hook-ups are both mysterious and glorified. Having sex just for the sake of having sex contradicts a lot of cultural beliefs. Because of this, most of us aren’t taught how to have safe, fun, casual sex. Contrary to sex-negative messaging about hook-ups, they can be a great way to bolster confidence, explore different desires, practice asking for what you want… and have some really fun, playful sex!

Foto: Natália Zajačiková

Recipe for Success

Casual sex should be just physical, right? Nope! Even (especially!) in hook-ups, communication is key. To up your chances of having a good experience, you might want to have conversations about your relationship status, things you want to do, physical boundaries, relationship boundaries/expectations, and safer sex practices. The best hook-ups have a lot more talk in them than you might expect… which I think is great. You have the opportunity to be bold. Say exactly what you want. Decide together what would feel fun and satisfying… and don’t be afraid to say “no thanks” to something. Chances are you’ll be able to find things that you’re both excited to explore.  Hook-ups can be a fun laboratory for you to learn more about yourself, so go ahead and experiment!

Pitfalls and Booby Traps

Hook-ups aren’t always sunshine and roses. If you know what potential pitfalls are, though, you can look out for them. These can be anything from regrettable sex (or feeling that the hook-up wasn’t what you expected), to dealing with feelings of shame, to having your hook-up partner act poorly following your tryst. These can all happen, even if you communicate well before and during your hook-up. It’s been very important for me to have a support network of non-judgmental friends (and professionals!) to help me sort these things out. After all, I want to learn so I can have better experiences in the future!

Bishop Black & Feral

First Hook Up

On the other end of the spectrum, your hook-up can go very, very well… so well that you may want to continue. An extended hook-up relationship can be amazing, but remember, nothing lasts forever. Sometimes the relationship fades, other lovers take priority, or one person develop feelings that are more intense than they expected. Sometimes these things can be resolved by coming up with a new boundaries together. Sometimes they can’t. Even in casual relationships, endings can be meaningful. Do your best to be true to your needs, respectful of the other person, and appreciate the experience for what it was.

Casual sex is rarely as simple as we’d like to believe, but it can be sexy, enriching, and teach us a lot about ourselves. Learning how to have hook-ups takes practice and may not be for everyone, but if you do decide to experiment, use it as an opportunity to explore yourself and connect with others in a fun, sexy, healthy way!   

If you want some inspiration, check out how Feral and Bishop Black do it in our member’s video section!

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Brian Gibney