Sex school

A Mindful Approach to Sex

Sex is often thought of in the most physical sense. This kind of thinking is indirectly taught to us and reenforced by media, but what if I told you there are plenty of ways to be mindful during sex? 

What is mindfulness, What do you think of when you hear the word, “mindfulness”?

If you find yourself picturing or thinking of yoga or some kind of meditation, then I would say you are halfway there. Mindfulness is the practice of staying and remaining present. No racing thoughts or laundry lists of things you should be doing instead of this. Just a focused practice that allows your mind and body to harmonize and focus on one experience, a (Re)Discovering Touch!

Mindful Sex

This translates well into sex or sexual acts. Often, we are focusing on the big orgasm, which in most cases means we are focusing on the end. It is time to rethink that mindset and focus on pleasure over orgasm. Mindful sex takes aspects of mindfulness techniques and utilizes them to not only experience. Pleasure but keep you more present and invested in your experience. Whether that experience be with or without a partner. 

Mindful sex is something anyone can do at any point in their sexual journey. All you need is time, space and energy. 

Photo: Natália Zajačiková

Step 1: Grounding 

The first step is to ground yourself; this just means you set some time aside to find a quiet and comfortable space where you can relax and quiet your mind. Begin by finding that space for yourself, for some that may be more difficult than others, but to get the hang of grounding it is best to practice grounding first and then handle the sexual aspect later. This also provides you with smaller, more manageable goals or true intensions

Find a space that is quiet and comfortable; you can choose to lay down or sit down but make sure you feel okay sitting/laying in that place for 15 minutes or more. Then, begin to breathe, first on your own rhythm, but then begin to breathe deeper. Breathe in deep through the nose and exhale out through the mouth. Pulling the belly button in on the inhale and filling your lungs with air and exhaling all the air from your body through your mouth. Now, while doing this you may feel dizzy, this is related to the abundance of oxygen entering your blood. If you become dizzy, try holding a little longer on the inhale. That’s it, that’s a basic grounding technique, once you have gotten through this portion the rest is even easier. 

Step two: Adding Sex

As I said this is something that can be done alone or with a partner, but the first few times are recommended alone. So now you are grounded and ready for the next step, similar to pleasure mapping you are going to begin to explore all aspects of your body in a slow way. Imagine your focus and mind being in that part of the body and all you can think of is the sensation. Ask yourself questions and if something does not feel good or right then move on to the next part. It really is that simple! The goal is just to give yourself space to explore while taking the pressure and focus off your body to have an orgasm, over experiencing pleasure.

Wrap up
This was a tiny bit of mindful sex, if you are looking for more techniques and ideas on what to do then sign up for the XO newsletter or follow us on our social media channels. This month we will be focusing on mindful sex. 

Photo: Natália Zajačiková


Amber Mallery